Bitter Memories Read online

  She sighed unhappily and went into the kitchen to make coffee; Charlene followed. ‘I’d have to be blind not to see what you two have been up to,’ she said in a loud whisper. ‘How could you, Tan, after the way he treated you?’

  Tanya smiled ruefully. ‘I can’t help it.’

  ‘You can’t help it? He’s the guy who broke your heart, for heaven’s sake. Don’t you remember?’

  ‘Of course I remember, but—oh, Charlene, I know you won’t understand, but the old magic’s still there. I only have to look at him and I go weak at the knees.’

  Charlene shook her head. ‘You’re going to get hurt again. He has another girlfriend, in case you’d forgotten.’

  ‘He says she means nothing to him.’

  ‘Nothing, my eye. You surely don’t believe him?’

  ‘I don’t know. All I know is that I love him and there’s nothing I can do about it.’

  ‘Of course there is,’ cried Charlene. ‘You can get out of here for a start. You ought to have known he wouldn’t leave you alone. The guy’s a womaniser of the highest order. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.’

  ‘You say the sweetest things, Charlene.’ Alejandro had come into the kitchen behind them. ‘Don’t you think you should leave Tanya to make up her own mind?’

  ‘Not where You’re concerned,’ snapped the older girl. ‘You did the dirty on her once; I don’t want it happening again.’

  ‘I did the dirty?’ A frown scoured his brow. ‘As I recall, Tanya was the one who walked out on me.’

  ‘And you—’

  ‘Oh, shut up, you two,’ interrupted Tanya. ‘You’re spoiling my holiday.’

  Her sister grimaced. ‘I’m sorry; it’s just that I’m disappointed in you.’

  ‘I think, Charlene,’ said Alejandro, walking over to Tanya and putting his arm about her shoulders, ‘that your sister is capable of making up her own mind.’

  It was going to be a difficult day, thought Tanya wearily. She wished Charlene hadn’t come. She wished she could have spent it alone with Alejandro. Before her sister arrived she had been on top of the world; now she was slowly sliding down, and she did not want to. She wanted to stay up there; she wanted to retain these feelings, savour them, remember them.

  She made the coffee strong, the way Alejandro liked it, and got out rolls and butter.

  ‘Can you imagine Peter eating something like this for breakfast?’ asked Charlene with a wicked laugh. ‘He was an egg and bacon man, Alejandro, very much a traditionalist.’

  ‘Is that so?’ he asked, and there was a sudden edge to his tone.

  Tanya wished her sister had not brought Peter’s name into the conversation.

  But Charlene was not finished yet. ‘Oh, yes, he was a stickler for all things proper, wasn’t he, Tan?’

  Tanya smiled weakly and nodded.

  ‘For instance he would never have stayed the night with Tanya before they were married. He loved her too much; he wouldn’t have thought it proper.’

  Alejandro pushed back his chair and stood up, dark eyes savage. ‘I think I should go.’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ taunted Charlene. ‘Can’t you bear to hear me talk about Peter? He was a fine man without a doubt, and Tanya was devastated when he died. They were so much in love.’

  ‘Charlene, shut up,’ hissed Tanya through grated teeth.

  ‘Why, when it’s the truth? Don’t you ever talk about Peter to Alejandro? Don’t you ever tell him what a good marriage you had? You’ll never find another man as good as he was.’

  Tanya knew why Charlene was saying these things, but that did not stop her being appalled, and when Alejandro spun round on his heel and left the room, his face tense, she followed him out to the lift. ‘I apologise for Charlene’s outspokenness,’ she said. ‘She had no right saying those things.’

  ‘But I’ve no doubt they were true.’ Gone was the gentleness, the caring, replaced by a stone-cold anger. ‘I hadn’t realised how much you loved your husband. I think I should perhaps be grateful to Charlene for opening my eyes.’

  ‘It’s perfectly natural I should love the man I married,’ she told him, feeling a rising anger too. Why should it make any difference? People could love again, couldn’t they?

  ‘It sounds as though your feelings for Peter went far deeper than they ever did for me.’ His eyes blazed coldly into hers, testing, questioning, awaiting her response.

  Tanya turned away, disappointed and confused. In a matter of seconds the magic spell had been broken.

  His hand on her shoulder spun her round. ‘I’m waiting, Tanya.’ And his clipped tones were like a knife in her heart. ‘Don’t be afraid to tell me the truth.’

  ‘There is more than one kind of love,’ she said huskily. ‘What I felt for Peter—’

  ‘Was so strong that you cannot forget it,’ he snarled. ‘Is that what you were going to say? Could I be right in thinking that last night and this morning your thoughts were with Peter and not me, that it was his body you were drowning in, not mine, that you only gave yourself to me because you still ache with love for this man I did not know? I think I have a lot to thank Charlene for. It would appear I was in danger of making a fool of myself for the second time.’

  The lift came, and without another word he stepped into it. Tanya walked slowly back to the apartment, feeling rejected and disappointed and hurt, and extremely angry with her sister.

  ‘I guess that put him in his place,’ said Charlene with satisfaction.

  Tanya glared, her blue eyes fierce. ‘You had no right talking about Peter like that.’

  ‘It needed something to get that star-struck look out of your eyes. Really, Tan, you need your head examining for falling for Alejandro all over again. I know he’s got charm, oodles of it, but the truth is he’s a twotiming creep. I’ve actually done you a favour. He didn’t like it, did he? He didn’t like hearing about Peter.’

  ‘Nor did I,’ snapped Tanya.

  ‘Surely You’re not trying to forget him?’ Charlene frowned. ‘You’re not trying to replace him with Alejandro?’

  ‘I’ll never forget Peter,’ she replied. ‘He’ll always have a special place in my heart. But there’s nothing to stop me falling in love again.’

  ‘With that swine?’

  ‘You don’t know him, Charlene.’

  ‘I know what he did to you, and I’ll never forgive him—and nor should you. He’s not serious, you know. He’s duping you again; he’s playing with you. Can’t you see what he’s like?’

  Tanya closed her eyes. This was a side to Alejandro that she had blacked out of her mind for the last twelve hours. She did not want to think about it. He had seemed to be genuinely fond of her; it had gone further than simple attraction, hadn’t it? It was why he was so hurt; he felt let down by Charlene’s deliberate comments. And there hadn’t been time to talk to him, to tell him that he meant more to her than Peter ever had. More to her! The thought stood out in her mind in neon lights. It was true. She was deeply and irrevocably in love. It had never gone away.

  ’Tanya?’

  ‘I see him differently from you, Charlene. I know I was hurt and upset all those years ago, and I said I hated him, but—well, I don’t any more, and nothing you can say will make any difference.’

  ‘The real question, then, is, does he love you?’ Charlene looked at her sister with concern in her eyes. ‘And I think we both know the answer to that. He isn’t capable of loving. When I said he was a womaniser I meant it. He might let you think he loves you, but I expect he does that to all the girls he takes out. Be careful, Tanya, please. I don’t want you hurt again.’

  There was no more said after that. They went to the same beach as yesterday, they had lunch at the apartment, they strolled around Santa Cruz, idly watching the election of the old-age pensioner carnaval queen. They went back to the apartment and changed, and Charlene took her to a popular restaurant in Esperanza.

  It had been a long day, thought Tanya, when she fin
ally went to bed. Charlene had tried to persuade her to return to Matilde’s, but she had been adamant. ‘I came up here to see the carnaval, every little bit of it, I’m not going to miss out now.’

  And so, with an admonition to be careful, Charlene had left, driving away in her smart white car.

  The bed felt empty without Alejandro, the night never-ending. Tanya kept hoping he might ring, but the phone remained silent, and she woke the next morning feeling thoroughly dejected. Even the weather reflected her mood, the jagged peaks of the mountains hidden behind a grey curtain of rain.

  She stayed in all day, alone, miserable, willing Alejandro to contact her, wanting to make amends, to explain her feelings, to repair the nft Charlene had torn in their delicate relationship.

  He had left her a programme of events for the carnaval, and tonight was the carnaval queen gala heats—and if Alejandro was a member of the jury, as he put it, then she wouldn’t be seeing him tonight either!

  She toyed with the idea of going anyway, but as there was no sign of the rain letting up there was really no sense in getting wet when she probably wouldn’t even see Alejandro. She decided to watch it on television instead.

  It was late afternoon when the skies cleared, when the fangs of the Anaga Mountains stood out in sharp relief against a haze of blue. She would go for a walk; she had had enough of sitting indoors, beautiful though the apartment was.

  Before she had even fetched her jacket from the wardrobe a knock came on the door, a loud, peremptory knock, and she knew it was Alejandro, still sounding as though he was in a bad mood. But at least he was here; she could talk to him, explain, make him understand that Charlene had been deliberately trying to cause mischief.

  Her heartbeats drummed painfully and she pinned a smile of welcome to her lips as she opened the door, and even though Alejandro’s face looked like thunder she still kept smiling as she stood back for him to enter. ‘I’m so glad you’ve come.’ He had on a crisp white shirt and dark trousers, as though he’d been out on business all day. He looked devastatingly handsome, and triggered everything inside her into vibrant life.

  ‘The only reason I’m here,’ he said, the moment the door closed, ‘is because I feel responsible for you.’ He walked across to the wide window with its panoramic views over the capital.

  ‘You don’t have to feel guilty,’ Tanya flared in sudden anger. She had been hoping for an apology, at least a suggestion they talk. ‘I don’t mind being alone.’

  He turned round slowly and faced her, his brown eyes cool, a faint frown between his brows. ‘Have you been out today?’

  ‘No,’ she admitted, ‘but only because of the weather. As a matter of fact I was just about to go for a walk.’

  ‘Then I’ll join you. I think we should talk.’ Still no hint that he was pleased to see her.

  ‘What about?’ asked Tanya.

  ‘Us. You and me. You and Peter. Your feelings.’

  ‘How about yours?’ she countered sharply.

  ‘Mine too, if you like,’ he replied with an indifferent lift of his shoulders.

  Tanya felt a faint surge of hope. He was prepared to discuss his feelings. Maybe now they would get somewhere.

  They left the apartment in silence, descended to the ground floor in silence, Alejandro standing straight and tall and unapproachable, Tanya’s heartbeats hurried, every one of her senses alert and responsive. How could he ignore her like this after the passion of their lovemaking? How could he turn his feelings on and off because of a few ill-chosen words?

  The lift doors opened and they walked out into the sunshine, but Alejandro’s reserve did not melt. They strolled side by side, mingling with happy, voluble Santacruceros, all in party mood. They were probably the only two who weren’t smiling. Carnaval fever had taken over everyone during this pre-Lenten festival. Banks and shops were closed; the whole city was out celebrating.

  Tanya thought they were heading towards the port, but instead he led the way into a park, which was a welcome oasis of greenery among all the offices and apartment blocks. Tropical trees and flowers grew in abundance: bottlebrush, with its racemes of scarlet flowers, jacaranda vivid with clusters of purple, yellow mimosa, even a red poinsettia as tall as herself, which she found totally amazing, because she had only ever seen it as a houseplant.

  ‘Why, Tanya, why?’ he asked as they walked slowly along the path.

  ‘Why what?’ She turned to look at him, saw the disapproving frown between his brows, the grimness to his lips, and she ached for the rapport of two days ago.

  ‘Why did you let me make love to you?’

  It was a loaded question, and Tanya knew a lot depended on her answer. ‘Because—I couldn’t help myself,’ she said slowly, hesitantly. ‘Because I wanted to.’

  ‘Were you thinking of Peter?’ He looked straight ahead as he spoke, and she saw a muscle jerking in his jaw, a sure sign of inner tension.

  ‘Did I behave as though I was thinking of another man?’ She wanted him to believe that she had been genuine in her response without her having to put it into words.

  ‘I suppose not, but who really understands the vagaries of a woman’s mind?’

  ‘I am what you see,’ she told him. ‘I don’t know what type of woman you normally associate with, but I can assure you that I don’t hide behind anything.’

  They paused to look at a statue of a solidly built woman with large, pendulous breasts and a scrap of material covering her loins. She was half hidden in the mist from a fountain and was somewhat the worse for wear, but nevertheless her nudity managed to arouse in Tanya some of the feelings she had felt the night before last.

  There had been no coyness, no embarrassment at stripping off in front of him—it had all seemed so natural, so right, and yet now he was accusing her of having false emotions.

  ‘I wouldn’t like to think that you did, Tanya, but after what your sister said——’

  She stopped him with a sharp outburst. ‘Charlene was out to cause trouble, that’s all. If you prefer to believe her, then this conversation is pointless’ She swung round on her heel and began to walk back the way they had come. She was disappointed in him, outraged in fact that he still thought the worst of her. She had never questioned him, even though thoughts of Juanita were often uppermost in her mind.

  He caught up with her. ‘There are so many unanswered questions, Tanya.’

  ‘And do any of them really matter?’ she riposted, her eyes the same vivid blue as the sky. ‘Why can’t we accept that things have happened in our lives that neither of us were happy about at the time? Why can’t we accept that the past is just that, over and done with? Why can’t we forget everything and—and begin all over again?’ She was baring her soul here, letting him know that she was still attracted to him.

  ‘You mean that?’

  Tanya nodded.

  ‘You’re willing to forget that I’ve been married?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’re willing to forget Inocente?’

  Tanya paused. ‘That depends on whether you see her again.’

  ‘I’ll naturally have to see her to tell her it’s all over between us.’

  ‘So there was something?’ she accused, eyes narrowing.

  ‘Inocente thought so.’

  ‘But you didn’t; you were playing her along?’ The same as he had her all those years ago? Was she making a terrible mistake in suggesting they start to see each other again? Could Charlene be right—he was not to be trusted?

  Alejandro’s breath came out on a surge of impatience. ‘I am not “playing her along”, as you put it. Inocente knows what my feelings for her are; she’s simply hoping that they’ll change.’

  ‘And meantime she’s pleasant company? Have you ever taken her to bed?’ The moment the question was out Tanya wished she could retract it. She was the one who had said let bygones be bygones, and yet here she was asking questions that she had no right asking. But she wanted to know. This was too immediate. It wasn’t lik
e Peter or Juanita; this was now, a girl in his present life. She had a right to know what was going on between them.

  ‘As a matter of fact, no,’ he answered, ’though I don’t expect you’ll believe me. You seem to have it firmly fixed in your mind that we’re having a raging affair.’

  ‘Inocente has always given that impression, but nevertheless, if you tell me it’s not so, then I believe you.’

  They had left the park now and were strolling between high-rise apartments. It was not such a relaxing atmosphere, and Tanya regretted turning back. She would have liked to seal their new agreement with a kiss but there was no chance of that here, there were far too many people milling around.

  ‘Let’s go back to the apartment,’ he said gruffly, and Tanya remembered the last time he had said that—and where it had led! It was as though someone had suddenly put a match to her, lighting her up from inside, and there was a lift to her step as hand in hand they retraced their steps. Suddenly the future looked rosy.

  As they stood waiting for the lift he took her face between his palms and gently kissed her. The doors opened and they turned together—and Inocente stood watching them! The woman’s eyes were filled with pure hatred as they turned upon Tanya. She was wearing a tight, cream, linen suit which showed off her sensual body, and extremely high-heeled shoes which made her legs look very long.

  Alejandro was the first to speak. ‘Inocente, what are you doing here?’ He spoke in English, forcing her to do the same.

  ‘What does it look like?’ Her eyes softened as she looked at him. ‘I came to see you, amor mio. I knew you were one of the jury this evening. I guessed I would find you here, but I did not expect to find you—otherwise engaged. What is—Tanya doing here?’ She somehow managed to make her name sound like a dirty word.

  ‘Tanya is my guest for the duration of the carnaval,’ he answered patiently.

  ‘She is staying in your apartment?’ Inocente’s wide eyes opened even further.

  ‘That is right. Would you care to come up and join us for afternoon tea? It’s a little late, I’m afraid, because——’

  ‘No, I would not,’ snapped the dark-haired girl viciously, ‘but I would like to talk to you.’